Freckled Sparrow: September 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

Feeling reflective...

It’s a fact that C and I are getting older. We’ve got wrinkles. I’m moving closer to my mid thirties and C is warming up to 40. WHERE does the time go? Even with all the ups and downs, life has been a good journey so far and maybe that’s why things have gone so fast. Time flies. Yes it does. So I guess it’s no surprise to admit we’ve had kids on our mind for the last year. And it’s been tough. Tough to realise that it’s not easy to get pregnant. Our society puts so much focus on a woman’s role as mother and there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t see a magazine yelling about someone’s BABY JOY or IS THAT A BABY BUMP? No, it’s just a little tummy from eating yummy cake.

Not getting pregnant has given us a lot of time to really think through what it means to be a parent. And to talk about how we want to bring up our kids. Naturally, there have also been fears of things going wrong with pregnancy, birth and kids. Miscarriages, still born babies and kids with disabilities are not issues those glossy mags readily address (although here's a lovely blog post about dealing with miscarriage by Owlet). And sometimes, they’re issues that not even our families want to talk about. All is well when everything goes right but it can be easier (definitely not better) to ignore sadness and grief when it happens. Not something I think is good at all.

The main thing we’ve had to realise is that kids may not be destined for us. The expense of IVF and adoption make these options far from our reach so if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. When we first decided to try and get pregnant, people told us how easy it would be. I went into the whole thing thinking it would take two months or so. Nope. It’s 16 months and counting. Over time we’ve learned to slowly let go of wishing too hard. It’s been made easier knowing we have full lives as they currently are. A kid would be a lovely addition and we would not say no but we have so many other nice things to focus on. We love travel. We love to be creative. We love to collect designer toys. We love our music. We love our cat (and are fully prepared to continue adopting RSPCA pets for the rest of our lives). I know so many awesome ladies who have decided not to have kids at all. Life is truly good the way it is.

So I guess I’d like to end with something I wish I had been told from the get go - if you don’t get pregnant or have chosen not to have kids, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are lovely and perfect as you are. This world is huge and there are so many other things to explore. Don’t stress about feeling inadequate for not being like that young girl you see in the street with the baby. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect and underneath all the disappointment there can be good. LOTS of good. Trust me!